Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
