apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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