i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
