So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
