the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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