I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
