please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
