my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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