Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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