I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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