he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the condom got lost in my hair
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you had me at cake vodka
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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