I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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