I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
