just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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