This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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