remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
