I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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