I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
