my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
