just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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