I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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