O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
