i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
