That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
