Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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