the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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