my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
