the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
