i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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