I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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