At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
