so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
