i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
