Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
