I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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