He is such a slut. More and more my type.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
