i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
