I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
