He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
