the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
