i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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