1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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