He uses pillows to masturbate.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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