Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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