cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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