She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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