A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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