I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
