the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
