He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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