you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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