he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
