So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
