I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Watching her eat just hurts me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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