he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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