Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You dont lie about slip and slides
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
