I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
