she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
