I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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