I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
