Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
