my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
