So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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