I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
