Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
