In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
