this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize