I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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