I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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