Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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