Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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