He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
