I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
