Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
