I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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