Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
