she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
