dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
