Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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