I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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