You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize