Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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