Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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