My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
