i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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