How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
