Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just gargled with NyQuil
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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