so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
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He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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