I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
