Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
