so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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